JOHN'S LETTER FOR DELENN

By Loree

 

 

 

In case anyone is wondering my story To Save a Lost Soul is not done. I will most likely mention Jade at least once in the story below. If any of you have suggestions please send them to j_organa@hotmail.com any and all feedback is welcome.

   This is a John & Delenn thing inspired by a poem I read off of the DragonLance fanfic page in the cellar of the Great Library of Palanthas. It was a letter writen by one of the characters to his friend who had passed beyond the veil many years before. This is a little different, but with that letter in mind, so I want to say to whoever wrote that poem if they read this thanks so much for the idea, and I really loved that work. It brought tears to my eyes and I hope this will do the same for someone out there that feels like I do.

   Disclaimer...BLAH BLAH...all B5 is WB jms and TNT...BLAH BLAH.

   Read and enjoy.

________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

   John's Letter to Delenn

   These events take place after John has passed beyond and after the reading of his will where an envelope was presented to Delenn.

 

*****

Delenn sat up in the darkest hours before dawn listening to the rain drops on the roof, and remembered her husband, who had passed beyond the veil not yet one week before. She felt tears run down her cheeks and wiped them away. He had been right, it had been 'a good run,' twenty years. David would be turning nineteen in a coule of months. That realization hit her hard and the tears began to flow again. She finally fought them off and then remembered the envelope that had been given to her that afternoon at the reading of John's will. She had been asked to open and read it, at least the first time she read it, when she was alone. She walked out to the den and the desk; where lay all his unfinished work and the legal papers she had brought home with her. Most stated what he had left to David and Jade and her. The others she couldn't remember what they were even though the lawyer had explained them to her.

   She rifled through the stack until she found the sealed envelope. She lifted it out of the stack and went back to her chair by the window. She hesitated to open it almost certain it was something from John. She took a deep breath and worked up the courage to open and read the papers inside. When she finally did, this is what they said:

 

My dearest Delenn,
If you are reading this I am no longer with you, and you are wodering what this is. Well, my love, this is something from me to you to hopefully help you through the times ahead. I hope you take as much comfort in reading this poem as I took in writting it.

   I have written it over the span of David's lifetime, our lifetime. I want you to know how very much I love you and how much I love our sons. I want you to read this in times of saddness and despair, in times of hardship and grief, and I want you to pass this on to our sons. So they will know the joy that I felt being their fanther and your husband. Now, read this and please be comforted.

 

I stand at the alter and watch her walk toward me.
Does she know how she makes me feel?
If not, how can I show her?
She and I join our souls today, yet I feel that
We have been one for all of eternity and I take her hand
As she nears the alter.
The ceremony lasts but an instant and
We leave our recaption after only seconds.
Looking at her the world begins to spin
My Wife.

   We are now married for one year and she is
Expecting our son. I watched her gracefullness
Expand as she has physically, and she waddles when she walks.
In my eyes she is radiant and shines with an inner light that signals coming life.
She is slowed in movements but
In thought she has never, I beleive, been more sharp.
I feel the life within her while she sleeps by my side.
Restless tonight his life essence is strong.
My son.

   I sit at my desk supposed to be working but instead
I watch her, so changed from the distand and cold Minbari Satai since the birth.
She lays on the floor reading reports from the rangers
Next to the palet containing our newborn son.
I am filled with content as I watch her reach over to rub his
Tiny back in a soothing manner.
My love for her reaches new levels everyday but as I watch this
It is close to bursting.

   Our child is now older walking, talking, reading, playing.
He is the center of our universe our days and nights and
Our love is stronger because of him.
We were in love before him
But now he is the driving force behind that love.
She has given me a future I didn't have until
I knew a piece of me would live on.
I find I hate to even think of leaving after
The few short years I have left.
I should have listened to her and not gone.
But I have no regrets to what I gained because I went there.

   Our son is a young man and
Still she surprises me at every turn.
We visit the place our life together began and
We find a blessing in a beaten and terror-filled child.
We learn our love has grown so that another is needed to catch that love
Which is spilled like water from an over filled cup.
It will be hard to comfort him but
If any one can do it she can.
Has it appears, for he speaks only through her.
He has lost so much his soul scarred and his home destroyed.
The challenge to save that soul we meet together, and
In time will mend the wound upon
His soul.

   The road was long to heal that wound.
The boy now is now nine and my time is shortening rapidly.
I find that I am no longer able to tell which
Of our sons was adopted and I find that I hate
Myself for leaving him so soon.
But she will be there to help him, both of them understand
And they will be there for her.

   I watch as she and our younger son lie on the couch taking a
Little time for joy in a life so filled with grief.
They watch an old cartoon with a loud and funny duck.
As I watch them snuggle on that couch I wonder if I ever was able
To feel such content.
Our oldest son walks in and joins them in the watching of
Duck Dogers in the Twenty-fourth and A Half Century and
I realize that just watching them fills me with that content.
And I am at peace.
My family.

   My time is at an end and I see them around me.
She holds my hand as the elder holds the smaller in his arms.
He is their protector now.
Her eyes are moist but there are no tears, and
I realize she is trying to be strong for them.
The smaller comes to her and tells her that it
Is okay to be sad he then hugs her
And climbs into the bed with me as he nestles at my side
I put my arm around him and my other son comes to
Take the hand of the arm now curled around his brother.
This weakness will pass, but the end is near. I will miss them all.
I take comfort in My Wife, My Son, His Soul, My Family,
Our Love.

 

You see, my heart is content once more, Delenn. Take care of these things for me in my absence. They are what fill me with contentment. You are what binds them together and I will be waiting for you in the 'place where no shadows fall.' You are what I worry about most my Delenn, I will always be with you until you join me and I ask that you listen, every so often, to the rain falling on the roof, and think of me until we are once again in each other's arms. I will forever love you and our sons no matter where I am.

              You are my heart and my soul,
                 I love you all.
                      John

 

   Delenn refolded the pages after reading the last line and found that there were no tears rolling down her cheeks. That there was only a sense of having been held and comforted by him. That she no longer despaired in grief. She looked forward to the new day that was dawning instead of dreading it. That it was no longer an effort to breath or imagine watching Jade grow up without John. With that thought, of Jade, a sinlge tear ran down the left side of her face. He had lost so much already and now had lost his father. He had been hit hardest by John's passing, in her opinion, she looked over to her bed where he lie sleeping. She decided to share the letter and poem with her sons the next time they were all together. She sat looking out the window at the rain drying on the pane, and waited for the sun to rise.

 

May God Stand between you and harm
In all the empty places where you must walk.
       --Ancient Egyptian Blessing--

 

*****

 

 

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