By Lynne Levine




November 11, 1996

Warning: spoilers in this short piece for "Hour of the Wolf"!! (My apologies to JMS - I'm really trying to stay out of his sandbox, but this episode just had me so tortured I had to write!!!)






My Dearest John,

   Every night I burn three candles and wait. I do not sleep. I do not eat. I just wait.

   It has been over seven days since you left for Z'ha'dum. Nearly everyone has given you up for dead; even Susan Ivanova is close to abandoning hope. I cannot do so. As long you are alive in my heart, in my imagination, I believe there is a chance that you will survive. I cannot bear the waiting any other way. And so, I will continue to pray, to hope, to believe.

   In your message to me you said that you saw your future, our future, from Babylon-4. You said I told you not to go to Z'ha'dum and that perhaps that means you didn't go. But what if you *did* go? Perhaps you went to Z'ha'dum because you have *always* gone to Z'ha'dum. And you survived, or you would not have seen that future. I hang on to that little bit of hope.

   In the meantime, I continue our work. It hasn't been easy, John. I feel as if the Vorlons have abandoned us. The other worlds are pulling their forces out of the war because they are afraid. Your so-called death has caused many to abandon hope. What they need now is a miracle: your return from Z'ha'dum would be that miracle.

   I want you back, John. That last night we were together I saw such beauty. As you slept, it was almost as if a pure white light, just the barest shimmer, surrounded you. I basked in that light, that tranquility. Now I wonder what I would see watching you sleep after you return from Z'ha'dum, after you have gotten so close to the Darkness. That thought scares me a little, but I want the chance to find out. And I am sure now that I will love you no matter what I see.

   If you do not return, I will finish my work in this existence as quickly as possible, so that I may join you. We will not be apart long.

   I must finish this message now. It is nearly time to begin my day. And so, I will imagine my message traveling faster than light, all the way to Z'ha'dum. I will imagine you receiving this message. Know that you are in my heart every moment of every day and that we *will* be reunited soon.

   All my love, forever,


    * * *

   Meanwhile, in a cavern deep within the planet called Z'ha'dum...

   John Sheridan shivered beneath his blanket-like robe as he huddled near the small inadequate fire he had built. The hard ground was cold beneath him and he shifted his weight, unable to get comfortable. Then, just for a moment, he felt warmth. It was if another blanket had been gently laid across him, smoothing him over, like a mother's loving hand tucking him into a safe, cozy bed. He felt himself relax just a tiny bit, and as he did so, he thought of Delenn and smiled.





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